I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
