We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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