just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
