is wine microwaveable?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
