paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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