remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
