i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
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Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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