Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
