Define "chronic" masturbator.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
