he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
