oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
