yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
