theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
organizing the empties. That sober.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
