I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And my parents said I crawled through the house
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
