So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize