dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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