I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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