Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Everclear isn't food dammit
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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