i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You can't just leave with hair like that
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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