she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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