I CAN MOONWALK!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
