honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
