This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
