forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
