I'm eating all of the evidence.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
stop calling my apartment porn island.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
