Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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