turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
