you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize