I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
