Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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