I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
