Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
