i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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