So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
