guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
