So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
