u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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