cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
