fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
