Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
