I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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