I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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