I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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