I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
