grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
