you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
