i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize