so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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