I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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