She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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