I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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