i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
