I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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