I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
