He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
