Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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