I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
