after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Drunk is not a location!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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