So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
