So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
