so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
