dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
