i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
