my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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