arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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