so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
