Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
